So many times I heard him lie but he was my drug and i was in no era to let him go he had become something so deep that I couldn't even begin to find where it started. Zimri and I had been going strong in this marriage for a year he was always out late and made my mind wonder but unlike most I didn't want to ask no questions maybe I couldn't take what the answer would be whatever it was I kept my damn mouth shut. "Yo Rocky you hear me talking to you, he interrupted my private thoughts, yeah I hear you damn do you have to yell, whatever I'm out see you in a few weeks, yeah ok, he embrassed me with a kiss." See let me break it down for you Zimri was this business man and he demand respect we met when I was a freshman in college new to the city of Miami. He helped me out whan this guy I was talking to had wanted to put his hands on me and hell naw Ms.Rocky don't do them games so I faught back but Zimri jumped in which was great because dude was about to catch a Saint Louis ass whoopin. Zimri and i ended up dating but he never told me what he did and i didn't care to ask it was something for the now that ended up turning into this addiction. it scared me at times when I found myself struggling to get my mind right and off of him my stressing over him caused me a great depression my girl Neko hated him but it wasn't his fault it was mines for letting this nigga have that type of impact on me. My stressing started last year 2 months after the wedding. I got a call one day from a private number and me I didn't think shit of it because Zim would sometimes call me private so I answered this other breezy was on my line. " Hello, may I speak to Rokel, this is she may i ask who's calling, my name is Monnie I'm calling because I think you should know that Zim and I have been messing around,so you call my phone for this shit,listen I don't think that you are that type of woman that would jump down another real woman's throat when she's coming to you woman to woman with respect I've met you and your very sweet i don't see that type of person in you,look Monnie how would you take it if a woman called yo phone talking about she's been fucking yo man,....you got a point I'm sorry I just thought you wanted to know what Zim was up to when he's in LA." I hung up the phone but that wasn't my last run in with this hoe because not too soon after I was getting texts messages from random ass phones. Ring...Ring...Ring..hello, wassup Rocky,oh nothing sitting here thinking,about what that bastard again,..naw just some other shit,ol well let it go whatever it is because i got something that's gone make you forget about yo man,yeah and whats that Neko always annoyed me when I was in my thoughts it seemed like the bitch knew when bullshit was on my mind.I got tickets to the Yacht all white party for Saturday,yeah and so what, bitch stop it with the attitude and get Zim off yo mind,he not on my mind DAMN, anyway Loyal gone be there, forreal bitch you lyin a smile instantly went across my face i was in Love with that sexy stallion Loyal, ok I'm down, well we need to go shopping for a dress, cool meet me at Vouliors Boutique,iight breezy."
I couldn't believe I let dingy dumb dumb talk me into going to this damn Yacht party i hated the Ocean a Bitch had a bad experience but there I was. "Hey Rena called me yesterday,for what,talking about me loaning her some money,BITCH yo broke ass ain't got no damn money, we both feel out laughing, shut up so what cause yo man is a Fashion Garu,so what you tell her, whatchu think, I justed continued sipping on my glass of champagne." Rena and Neko are sister's but you could never tell cause them bitches don't act like it. Story goes Rena fucked Neko's ex-husband while they were married and gave him Gonorrhea Neko ened uo catching it which resulted her into having a miscarraige leaving her infertile Geno had to come clean and tell her she tried to stay but a broken heart,betrayal, and a empty womb sealed their marriage. It took 2 years for Neko to get to this piont she in now which was never giving another man the chance to hurt her again. "Rocky....Rocky,..yeah, what's wrong, oh nothing i need to go to the bathroom I'll be back, ok." I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I stood staring in the mirror at this woman i had become not being able to be the strong woman my father tried to teach me to be it was like I was looking down the barrel of a gun but I was the one holding it. Tears began to burn my eyes as I tried to shut them and remember that tears was my worst fear but pain had been welcomed into my life by my own doing. No matter how hard I tried to fight them they still seemed to fall down my cheeks the wounds i had was only flesh deep crying nor ignoring them would make them go away I was paying the ultimate price for the hell I was in but was getting deeper into with my eyes wide open the shit had yet to begin. Knock...knock..who locked the door I heard a familiar voice yell on the outside...knock...knock..is somebody in here. I rushed to wipe my face and the running mascara before I opened the door. "Oh shit my bad babygirl, naw you good that was my fault I said flashing a fake smile,you iight babygirl,yeah I'm cool,you enjoying the party,yeah I am thanks and the name is Rocky,I apologize mines is Loyal,I know who you are I said non shalantly walking away,so can I get a dance,maybe later." I left him standing right there my night had been ruined from jump this was one of my depression days Zim hadn't returned any of my calls which always made me feel low and disrespected but yet that was apart of the pain I endured from him no matter how much it hurted I was at a standstill." Yo Rocky you good,yeah why you ask,because it took you hellas in the bathroom then you dissed Loyal who yo ass is mad in love with,..listen I just don't feel to good right now that's all Ima sit down for a minute,ok if you need me Ima be at the bar,ok."
"So why you sitting down still, what I said turning my head to see Loyal standing behind me,you told me you would give me a dance,you right I did with a half smile on my face,so shall we,yes we shall." We started dancing to one of his songs called It Would Be You I loved that one personally the first time I heard that song made me fall for him the lyrics were the quest of the pain he realized he made a woman feel no matter if they was just words it meant something deep down inside of me. In a way I felt at ease when he held my waist I laid my head gently on his shoulder we never spoke a word while we danced the song was all the words we needed. I enjoyed that moment and I think we embrassed each other with something we shouldn't have as soon as it was over I quickly pulled away from him I knew that what we both felt was wrong and he looked in my eyes and accepted my motion because I think he realized it to. " Can we have a drink , no I'm not feeling to good I'm going to leave when I find my friend, well can you at least stay until I finish my show,...yeah sure." I walked away as he stared. I found Neko at the bar taling to some dude. "Neko after his show we leavin,why you still don't feel good after that dance you and Loyal just shared, no why you say that, cuz breezy while yall was dancing yall didn't realize everybody else standing around watching nobody was dancing but you two, swear I said with a scared look on my face,yeah bitch I'm hella happy shid he took yo mind off Zim ass, Neko why didn't chu stop me, she laughed hell why would I do that, nothing nevermind." "Shhh everybody we got the last special of the night Mr Loyal himself is gone give us a damn good show so relax and enjoy.
I just sat at the bar next to Neko and her friend who she didn't introduce me to so I guess he wasn't nothing spectacular. "Holla..dum.dum.holla." Loyal started singing his single "Holla If You Need Me". My ass quickly relaxed I replayed that song every night when I would take a long soothing bath it was a song that was genuine from a man's heart and it calmed me. It seemed like his voice was getting closer and closer as my eyes began to open I saw a glimpse of him coming toward me my heart instantly started racing as everyone eyed me knowing I was his target. He reached for my hand and I oblidged with my blood racing I couldn't grasp what was going on. But as he continued to sing my mind snapped me back to reality that this was morally wrong making an abrupt move I pulled away and walked swiftly out with backed up aghony filling my soul. I reached the outside breathing in the fresh air that I ran down the dock panting and crying uncontrollably .I finally made it to the car where I fell against it catching cold air in my chest trying to calm myself down the tears were slowly coming to an end when Neko walked up. " What's wrong,Rocky,please just take me home,what,goddammit Neko just leave it alone I yelled." We rode in the car in complete silence all I wanted to do was take a bath and go to bed. I hopped out her car without a goodnight I love you nothing just rushed into my house she didn't deserve it but when I get mad thats what I do and Neko knew something was up.