Hey Anqels, this is aa short story iWrote. Im qoinq to put a sneak peak of it so you ladies can tell me whether or not its qudd or not. PLEASE be honest !!
Weight Of My Tears
“Excuse me miss, but you will have to wait outside. I have to lock up”, said the security guard as he began to turn the lights off. I smiled at him and proceeded to the door, with my cell phone in my hands. I tried calling Xavier again but I still got no answer. Why isn’t he answering his phone? I wondered. I tried calling again and again and every time pressing the send button, I pressed my frustrated buttons. I finally decided that waiting on him was pointless so I went ahead to catch the bus. As I was walking, I heard footsteps behind me, but when I looked back, there was no one there. I ignored it but the sound kept getting closer and closer. This time looking back, I saw a big dark man figure. I turned away quickly, and instead of walking, I began to run. I looked back, however not fully but sideways and saw the figure running behind me. I began to run faster but I really felt like I was running slower. I looked back and the dark figure was now close to me. His eyes were now in contour with mine. I closed my eyes as if I was dreaming, so that the image and feeling would go away but it wouldn’t. His grip became tighter. He whispered in my ear, “You scream, you die.” His words pound against my ear drums as I stood there paralyzed. He grabbed me and took me into the darkness where no one can see. There was no one around me, no one to hear my cry. I was alone.
I felt the tears as they began to build up inside me. My heart filled with much emotions and fright. He threw me to the ground and climbs on top of me with his hands over my mouth to stop me from screaming. I bit him; but with that bite, came a slap, a slap that made me realize that this was really happening. He began to touch me, telling me that if I stopped moving, it would be done with. He told me to touch him but I refused. My revolt must have triggered him because this time he punched me in my stomach. My tears that seemed to be dried up became soft and pure. They began streaming down my face. As I laid down helpless, he took both of my hands and raised them above my head. He held them tightly as I could feel my blood circulation being cut short. I could also feel bits of broken glass as they pierced my back; but that was a bearable pain, nothing like the one I felt after. He began to unzip his pants; first him and then me. He forced my legs apart, and shoved himself inside me. I let out a scream. I felt as though I was being ripped apart. With every stroke that he made, a tear dropped. Not being able to talk, I ask him to stop as my voice cracked and I stuttered, but he just laughed. I tried to push him off with my legs but the pain made me weak. He was too strong. With every movement that I make, the harder he shoved. I gave up. I laid down, crying; my tears flowing like a water fall. I tightly closed my eyes, but all I could see was darkness. He stopped. He got up and looked around while buckling his pants. He did not even budge to help me. He just looked at me; I stared at me. He walked away, never even looking back. I tried to get up but the pain I felt kept causing me to go back down. I finally gain the courage to scream, but there was no one there to hear me. At last I was able to get up. I grabbed my things, buckled my pants and headed to the bus stop. Five minutes passed and the bus came. Thank God it is empty, I thought. As I walked on the bus, I tried to avoid the bus driver’s eyes as I felt them pierced me, wondering what could have happened. I headed to the back, sat and curled up in a ball. Ten minutes passed and I was finally home, with only one block to walk. Scared for my life, I quickly came off the bus and swiftly walked home; constantly looking behind me.
As I put the keys in the door, I realized Xavier still was not home. I looked at my watch and it read 12:30am. He should have already been home. I walked through the door, dropped my things on the couch and ran to the bathroom. I took my clothes off, and stood in front of the mirror. Looking at the mirror, I stared at myself in the eyes, replaying all that just took place. I shook my head to erase the memories but I knew that they will forever be with me. I ran the shower, hot and steamy so I could erase the feeling I felt. I closed my eyes, and the tears ran softly down my cheeks. Startled by the sound of my house door, I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me. I picked up phone and realized I spent two hours taking a bath; I also realized that Xavier was now coming home. Ignored him, I headed to my bedroom, grabbed my sleeping clothes and headed to the guest room. I did not want to be bothered. I began to dry off, scrubbing myself until my body was raw. I lotion, put my sleeping clothes on and crawled into bed. As I was getting my covers, Xavier walked in. I turned my back to him and put the covers over my head. He crawled on the bed and tried to hug me, I squirmed, still feeling disgusted at the touch of anyone, just anyone holding or touching me. He sat up and said, “Baby I am so sorry. Today was one of the guys birthday so we took him out for some drinks and my phone died; I’m sorry”. I turned and looked at him, tears forming in my eyes as some flashbacks began to appear in my head. “You couldn’t call from one of the guys’ phone and say that X, I mean really. You had me standing outside for a freaking hour and now at 2:45am you wanna tell me you sorry?” “Baby why are you crying? What’s wrong? Look I’m sorry!” I turned away, and whipped the tears from my eyes. “Just leave me alone X”. He got up and walked away, and before closing the doors said “I love you” I ignored him and went to bed.
I jumped up from my sleep, from the sound of something falling; I got up, walked down the stairs and saw Xavier in the kitchen. Seeing that it was nothing serious, I walked into the bathroom and washed my face. I looked up at the mirror and thought to myself “Every night is the same thing. I keep getting these flashbacks of that night which happened six months ago, but yet it feels like it was only yesterday”. I wiped my face and headed down stairs. “Morning Baby” X said as he kissed me, with his gentle lips. “Morning Baby. Hmm what smells so good?” I replied sniffing around like a long lost puppy. “I made you breakfast, you looked tired when you came home from work so I decided to cook for you”. A huge smile came across my face. We sat and ate at the kitchen table which was something that never happened much. It was Saturday which meant that I was going out with my girls. We normally start our day around noon. I looked at the clock and it said 11 o’clock. Rushing, I put the dishes in the sink and ran up stairs to change. I went into the shower. Ten minutes passed and I finally came out. I went in my room and began to search through my closet, not knowing what to wear. I decided to put on my Levis skinny jeans, with my pink and gold halter top, my juicy necklace and bracelet, and my gold wedge heels. At exactly 12 on the dot, I headed down stairs, kissed Xavier and hopped in the car. I drove down to pick up my best friends Janaé, Danielle and Renee. We have been friends for over seven years; however I still have not been able to tell them about that night. I don’t think I can. They may look at me differently. Pulling up to Janaé’s house, I honked my horn. As they walked out the house, I noticed that we all had on wedge heels, and juicy accessories. They got in the car and we rode to the spa/nail salon, Bumping Drake. After about fifteen minutes, we arrived at the salon. As we walked in, there was this one particular girl staring at me. Not with the regular “Ewe, this bitch” look but the “O..m.g, that is her” kind of look. It was as if she knew me. I shrugged my shoulder and ignored her, and proceed to the counter and write our names down. We took a seat and started to talk with the stylist. Like always, we got on the topic of men, with me being Dr. Phyllis. “I have a question for you Shadaé” says the girl who was looking at me weird when we first walked in. “Okay, shoot” I replied, puzzled as to why me. “Okay, my name is Ashanti, just so you know. My question is why girls walk around like they have the greatest man in the world when reality is that he is cheating on them?” I turned and looked at Janaé who had the same look on her face as I did. “Is this chick trying to get at something?” “Well the reason for that is because girls are blinded by love, so they see nothing but greatness when it comes to their love one”. A smirk spread across her face; “even when there are signs right in front of them, such as not answering their phones, always out with the guys, coming home late” she shoots me a suspicious look, with that same smirk on her face. “As I just stated, women are blinded by love, so any signs that are in front of them, they ignore because they don’t wanna see anything but greatness about their men” I replied, getting a little frustrated at her remarks and facial expressions. She gets up, smiles at me, pays the stylist and left. “Why the hell was she looking and smiling at you like that” Janaé asks as we get up to get pampered. “I have no idea. It was like she was trying to tell me something without telling me anything”. I say as I shrugged it off and tried to ignore it however it was not working. I just kept wondering as to why she would ask that, and why it so much referred to me. Half an hour passed and we are all finished doing our nails, feet and getting a massage.
We had planned to go to the mall after but Danielle had to go home, so we decided that we are going to do it another day. We left the salon and I headed to drop everyone home; first Renee, then Danielle and then Janaé. When we got to Janaé’s house, I told her to wait. I was finally deciding to tell her, since she had been my best friend the longest than the others. “I have to tell you something but you have to promise not to say anything to anyone. You are the first person I am telling since it happened”. She looked at me with a puzzled look on her face. “Okay, what is it?” I took a deep breath and began to tell her. “Six months ago, I was at the library doing some research and waiting for X to pick me up. It was closing time so the security guard told me I had to leave” I took another breath, this time to stop the tears from coming and building up. “Since X wasn’t answering his phone, I decided to go take the bus but on my way to get the bus, a man came out and, and raped me. He pushed me into a dark alley and raped me. I didn’t say anything for so long because I didn’t want to be looked at different or make anyone uncomfortable”. There was a long pause. She looked at me and then out the window and then at me again. “Shadaé I love you and no matter what, and no matter what happens to you, I would not look at you differently. You my girl, ain’t nothing going to change that. It pains me to know that happened to you and you had no one around to help you with it. That is what I am here for, to help you through your hard times. How can I do that if you do not talk to me” I look away, this time not holding back the tears. “I am sorry; I just, just didn’t know how to tell you or anyone. I wanted to say something so bad but did not know how” Janaé turned and looked at me, and said “Well I am here now”. We give each other hug. “Ahh look at you, you’re crying” I said teasing her since she is not the type to show emotions. She sticks her tongue out at me and headed in her house. I waved, drove off and headed home.
I decide to text X and let him know I was on my way home. For some reason, I was feeling so free and relaxed, like something had been lifted off of me. Maybe all I did need was the comfort of someone else, I thought to myself. After ten minutes, I pulled up to my drive way, and headed inside. I threw my keys down on the table and walked in my room, to see Xavier lying down on his stomach. I climbed on top of him and kissed him on his neck. He turned around, with me now on his front. He kissed me back but stops. “Uhmm baby let me go shower, I did not shower all day”. He kissed me on my forehead and left for the shower. The same time he walked away, his phone begans to vibrate. I turned and look at it and it realize he had a message. I clicked on it. It was a message from someone name Ashanti. I opened the message and it read “Hey is she home yet? When I left to come over she was now going to get herself pampered. I want to come back over. I miss you”. I started to read it over and over again because for some reason it was not processing in my head that this was happening. The girl she was talking about was me, and the person who is part of the triangle is her. I decide to get up and walk around, with his phone still in my hands. After ten minutes of walking around, thinking of a solution as to what to do, the bathroom door opens. I hear his footsteps. He opens the door. I throw his phone at him, and then pushes pass him through the door. Upon my second step, he comes running behind me. “Shadaé wait let me explain”. “Explain what X huh? How you been freaking lying to me for all this time? How you been screwing another girl in my house for so long? Huh? What is there to explain Xavier?” I say as I throw the pillow at him, then the house phone.
He stands in silence, blocking every object that is being thrown at him. “Baby I’m sorry, please don’t leave me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” he says, as he walks closer to me. I back away with every step he takes closer to me. “That’s all you ever are Xavier. You’re always freaking sorry. But answer me this. How long has it been going on?” “Baby, please, just...” he says stuttering, trying to avoid the question. “Answer the god damn question” I say, ready to strangle him, but also keeping my cool. “Six months” he replies, with his head down. I smile to myself as it all began to click together. “So that night that I was calling you to pick me up, you were screwing her?” Ashamed to answer, he just looks at me. I had to laugh. I walk around to let go of frustration and hurt, but all that came out of it was tears. “So what now, are you going to tell me you’re sorry that I got raped? Is that what you going to say next?” he looks at me puzzled. “Raped? What the hell are you talking about?” he asks, as he walks towards me. “Don’t touch me,” I say to him. He puts his hands up like he is surrendering to a cop. “Shadaé, look at me, what are you talking about?” “I was raped Xavier. That same night you went out with the boys for someone’s birthday; yeah, I was raped that night. That’s why I even came home so late. If you hadn’t been out sleeping with that chick, I wouldn’t have gotten raped. I wouldn’t have had to get an abortion and kill an innocent soul. I would not have to walk around with such disgust and pain in my heart like I do now. And you want to say you’re sorry. Sorry is not going to do this time.” He walks back to the couch, punching the wall as he feels guilty. He sits and outs his head in his hands and began to cry. I stand and watch. I want to cry to but it is like my tears were dried up. I could not cry any more. I was all cried out. I grab my keys, and open the door. I look down at my finger, at the ring he had given me August 08. I slid it off my finger and threw it on the table. I had nothing left to say. The only words that managed to escape my mouth was “I’ll be back to get my things another day. Goodbye Xavier”. I walk out the house, with nothing but the weight of my tears holding me back. I deserve better, it was time for me to respect myself, time for a new life.